Ken Jackson

Sports Writer

Hey Ohio, you can finally stop sulking over the loss of LeBron James, get out of bed, and do something productive.

Like rush off to buy Bengals tickets.

If you can’t afford tickets, then at least go get your popcorn.

T.O.’s comin’! Hide your Sharpies!

Just imagine and let the mind wander. Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco, in the same huddle. Sounds like a recipe for ... well, it’s a recipe for something. I wish it was the recipe for Cincinnati’s best export, Skyline Chili.

On the surface, it sounds like just another wonderful personnel move in the glory-filled history of Cincinnati Bengals football. It’s right there on the list after drafting David Klingler, Akili Smith and Ki-Jana Carter and letting Corey Dillon go.

How can Ocho Cinco y Ocho Uno be in the same offense? There’s only one football in play, right? And when you’ve already got a proven cancer in the locker room, is it wise to bring in a new virus? Expect the implosion by Week 4.

That’s what you think right now if you root for a team like New England or Pittsburgh or San Diego, teams who have long reputations of never having to take a risk.

Signing Owens shows that Bengals owner Mike Brown and his henchman have what psychologists would call a “sense of self.” Meaning, “We realize we’re the Cincinnati stinkin’ Bengals.’”

Think about it: for how many years have they been getting their cans kicked by the Steelers and Baltimore Ravens? How many years have they spent as a laughing stock?

If you’re already laughing at them, do you think Mike Brown cares if you laughing harder now that they’ve signed T.O.?

Brown is willing to shoot the dice and gamble. And good for him. (C’mon 7, Mikey needs a new pair of ... everything!)

If you’re a fan, would you rather your team go high-risk, high-reward and try to make something happen for a change, or stand pat and watch the Steelers and Ravens become tiny blips on the horizon while the Cleveland Browns start gaining on you with Mike Holmgren at the wheel?

So, if you’re a pro football fan, don’t openly criticize the move. Because, on the off chance your team has a bad season, you’re going to need someone else to point at and laugh.

Besides, there’s a couple of players — on other teams — positively ecstatic to here the news. For starters, Ben Ruthlessbooger (I’m not making a commentary here, I’m just not sure how to spell the name right) is off the hook for a bit. Nobody cares what he’s doing in nightclubs this week.

Tim Tebow missed the first day of workouts because his contract is still getting hammered out, but the vigil watch isn’t as big. (Except in Gainesville, and if I may address those folks for a moment: TIMMY IS NOT COMING BACK!)

And, down in Mississippi, Brett Favre will be able to sit in his rocking chair and sip his Metamucil in peace this week while deciding if his next game will be at the Metrodome playing football or at the VFW hall playing bingo.

And, speaking of football, high school practices begin in just nine days.

Gee, I wonder if it will be hot. If it is, no big deal. Local coaches can confirm that the first week of August marks the real start of Central Florida’s afternoon monsoon season.

ooo

Happy Birthday to “Caddyshack,” which came out 30 years ago last week. You know you quote it all the time:“It’s in da hole!”

Have you ever wondered where Kenny Loggins would be without Caddyshack (“IIIIII’m all riiiiight!”) and “Top Gun”?

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For those of you who couldn’t attend the memorial service earlier this month at Archie Gordon Park, when the main athletic field was named in honor of Osceola Family Sports Association founder Joe Day, Poinciana Predators photographer Maria Young put together a highlight tribute that can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJNoizZKYrE.

ooo

If they get snow days up north, how come we can’t have hot days?