Ken Jackson
Sports

Writer know it’s early, real early, in the NFL season, and probably too early to use the “Bizarro World” references.

But, if you start seeing dogs and cats sitting down for tea, don’t be shocked.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are 2-0. The no-hope, “one-win team” according to Sports Illustrated, can be mentioned in the same breath as the Super Bowl champs, tied at the top of the NFC South with the New Orleans Saints.

The Kansas City Chiefs and Chicago Bears also are 2-0 and, if not for the Bucs, they would be the surprise of the class right now.

Closer to home, the Miami Dolphins are unbeaten, but that seemed a heck of a lot more plausible two weeks ago than those others.

Meanwhile, the Dallas Cowboys are 0-2, which must keep Jerry Jones fuming when he isn’t trying to book monster truck races in that small-nation-sized stadium of his.

The Minnesota Vikings are winless, making Brett Favre feel like January is like 13 years away. “Gee Steve Hutchinson, thanks for getting me off that couch, especially since, thanks to you, I just got sacked again.”

At least they’ve got Detroit coming on Sunday. It’s 0-2, too, but there’s nothing bizarre about that.

And speaking of bizarre, here is the motley bunch that makes up this week’s Mighty News-Gazette Top 13:

1. Our Bucs. 2. Your Dolphins. 3. Mu-mu-mu-My Sharona. 4. Who Dat’s Saints. 5. The Crimson Tide. 6. Brutus the Buckeye, who won his odd wrestling match before kickoff. 7. The rest of the Buckeyes, who had Ohio U. beat shortly after kickoff. 8. Michigan State’s pass-option field-goal team. 9. Mark Dantonio’s cardiac surgeon. 10. Boise State and its bizarre blue field. 11. The Bizarro Brothers. 12. “How Bizarre” by OMC. 13. The Gators (Yeah, they fell in our poll, too).

And now to lend something credible to this column (finally) ...

UCF at Kansas State (-7): Knights go with a freshman starting QB in Manhattan. I don’t care if this one’s in the Midwest rather than the Upper East Side, still doesn’t bode well. K-State by 3.

Wake Forest at FSU (-18): Photo jockey A. “Flaming Spear” Sullivan said ‘Noles haven’t beaten Wake at home since 2005. These Deacons aren’t from Bizarro World. ‘Noles by 14.

Alabama (-7) at Arkansas: The SEC Game of the Century of the Week. At least it is for the Hogs, who some think have a chance here. Tide by just 1.

Stanford (-4) at Notre Dame: Which is higher for this game, combined yards or GPAs? Irish by 3 MBAs.

As for the paid professionals ...

Pittsburgh (-2.5) at Tampa Bay: They’re both 2-0. Steelers QB Sunday might be Bubby Brister. Or Kordell Stewart. While Tampa can’t counter with Steve Young (or DeBerg, or Spurrier). Bucs by 3 in Bizarre QB Upset.

Philadelphia (-3) at Jacksonville: Looks like Michael Vick is Philly’s top dog. (Still funny? Nah.) Let’s skip this and fast forward to next week, when it’ll be Vick vs. McNabb. Unless on Sunday Vick goes to the ... still not funny. Jags by 3 in Bizarre QB Upset II.

N.Y. Jets at Miami (-1.5): With Darrelle Revis out, who’s to stop Brandon Marshall? Fins by 5.

Green Bay (-3) at Chicago: The Bears 3-0? C’mon, that’s just too bizarre. Pack by 1.

Dallas at Houston (-3): If Cowboys were at home, would Jerry Jones show highlights from past seasons on that double jumbo screen instead of the game? Texans by 7.

Rick Pedone says: Young Jackson’s giving me Stanford, Philly and the Steelers, so I’ll return the gift: Hogs by 2 in Upset of the Century of the Week I.

Brian “Big Man” McBride’s Super Sniffer Upset Special: Cowboys by 7. “SEVEN, I said!”

Petey “The Gators are Going to Win” Covino says: Gators 41, Kentucky 21.

Records: Nutso Knight (6-4, 18-8) squashed Dented Dome (5-5, 15-11).